Jesus was faithful again in a small/large thing

My wife called me and said she had lost a roll of 100 stamps.  To us, $56.00 is a lot of money.  We prayed over the phone, dear Jesus, please find the stamps.  It was 5:00pm and my wife had bought the stamps at the Post Office around 9:30am.  She had searched everywhere and so decided to go back to the Post Office where she bought them.  As she approached the Post Office's parking lot she prayed, dear Jesus, I know you care about postage stamps.  When she got to the parking lot she saw the top of the tiny, flattened, cellophane covered roll of stamps.  She called me and said excitedly, "Did you  know God cares about our finances?"

"A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out."

God cares about the smallest details of our lives.  That is the character of Jesus.  He cares so much about you that He decided He would rather die than spend eternity without you.  And now it's your turn to decide if you want to spend eternity with Him.  He will not force you, He's a gentleman, and only goes where He's invited.  He offers eternal life, right now, not just after you die.  And you don't have to be perfect, that's His work, to make you like Himself.  You do have to choose, as He makes you able, to not sin anymore.  But if you do sin again, He is faithful and forgives you and helps you through the consequences of sin.  He will also challenge you to discover that His way is better than any sin.  When you choose to obey Him, He will give you real life, real joy, real meaning, real satisfaction.  You will discover that satan's way has never ultimately satisfied you like Jesus' way.

Jesus is with you right now.  He can give you the power to change.  All you have to do is ask Him, and let Him give you the power to obey Him.

Defeating the sin which so easily ensnares us

Satan is appealing to my pride again.  He is telling me (not in words, but in thoughts and feelings) that I KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT GOD that I don't need to learn from other people (which God says in Proverbs clearly that I do need to learn from others).  I identified this feeling when in a Christian bookstore reading the covers of some books.  I decided to buy the book I was looking at (and my feelings were telling me that I didn't need to read it).  Then I told my wife what I was going through. 

I have started reading the book (All In: You are one decision away from a totally different life by Mark Batterson) and it is very good and I am learning alot and being motivated alot (which satan didn't want). By telling my wife about my struggle, the sin of pride is not in the dark anymore, where it can grow and destroy me.  Instead, it is in the light which exposes its true malicious intent.

¹Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, ²looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.                                                                             - Paul the Apostle, Hebrews 12:1 NKJV

 I experience world-class feelings of insecurity and inferiority sometimes.  Satan used my God-given need to feel the value God has given us, against me.   However, detecting satan can be so difficult sometimes.  He can be so subtle and appeals to our God-given needs (but he wants us to meet those needs outside of God's will).  But by following Jesus I (and you) can defeat satan.

It has been said that to learn how to recognize counterfeit money you have get to know the real thing better.  It has also been said that to learn how to recognize satan, get to know Jesus better.

Jesus and Psych Medication

Some television pastors that I highly respect believe that mental illness, including depression, can be best treated without medication.  While some depression can be treated by developing a better relationship with Jesus, and some can be treated by learning better thinking patterns, and still others can be treated by having a healthier body and lifestyle; I believe some mental illness requires medication, as well as these other treatments.

At the early onset of depression, medication (SSRIs) can arrest a downward spiral. This can give the person an opportunity to develop a better relationship with Jesus, to learn and apply more effective thinking patterns, and to gain the benefits of a healthier body and lifestyle.  By acquiring new skills a person may be able to manage their situation better, and may be able to get off the meds relatively soon.

By waiting to take meds, or not take them at all, as some pastors suggest, permanent damage to the brain can occur and the person can then need the medication for life.  (Not to mention that the person could become so ill without medication they could even take their own life).

The brain is a physical organ of the body.  It is the interface between our mind and the physical world.  As an organ of the body it is subject to disease just as the other organs of the body are subject to disease.  Just as bone marrow produces blood and the pancreas produces bile, the brain produces, among other things, thoughts.  Disease interferes with the correct production of these thoughts.  That is, many times these diseases interfere with the electro-chemical interactions of the brain that produce correct thinking.  These electro-chemical interactions can sometimes be corrected by medication.

Serotonin is a naturally occurring chemical in the brain that helps us to naturally "feel good".  If the serotonin the brain is producing is insufficient, depression can result.  SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitors) are used to cause the brain to recycle its own limited supply of serotonin.  It is still your own serotonin; it is just reused over and over instead of being used up the first time.

Some may say, "God can heal depression."  And to that I say, "Absolutely!"  God has the power to miraculously heal depression, all mental illness, and all illnesses - without the use of doctors or medicine.  But why does the Bible not condemn Luke for being a doctor?  And why did the Apostle Paul say to Timothy, "Have a little wine for your stomach's sake?"  Is intervention - by people and medicine - to heal the body (and the brain is part of the body) universally condemned by all of Scripture?  As Jesus said, "Let's judge by true standards!"  Do you use glasses to correct your vision?  Would you say, "My lack of vision is caused by a lack of faith in Jesus to heal me, I am going to have faith and drive without glasses now."  Would you say to a person dealing with diabetes, "Your poor diet and lack of exercise has caused this, repent, stop taking your medication, and trust Jesus to heal you?"  Would you have surgery without anesthesia because anesthesia affects the brain?  Have you ever taken an aspirin?  Have you ever had a cup of coffee?

Mental illness is unimaginable suffering (as I know from experience).  When the religious people of Jesus' day held that God did not want the man with the withered hand and the woman bent over in pain to be healed on the Sabbath; but rather to continue in their pain one more day; because they interpreted Scripture to forbid all work on the Sabbath; Jesus was indignant and angry at their lack of compassion.  I can see Jesus saying to them then: Which one of you would not pull your animal out of a pit if it had fallen into it on the Sabbath… (breaking your own man-made rule).  And I can see Jesus saying to them and us: …Yet you don't care about a fellow person's intense pain and suffering, (because of your man-made rule that "God doesn't use medicine for the brain"?)  As Jesus said, "Use true standards!"

Jesus felt healing people's suffering was more important than rules.  Jesus gave the example of David, on the run and hungry, asking the priests for the show bread; which only the priests could legally eat according to God's Law.  The priests gave it to him and he and his men ate it, in direct violation of Scripture.  Jesus said that all "rules" must be derived from "Love God, love people."  I believe God allows the use of meds to help the brain and so help people not to suffer, to reclaim their thinking, and to recover.

The real issue here, I believe, may not be medical intervention of brain disease.  The real issues may be fear; and perceived failure and its consequences.  Fear, in that the people who say not to use meds for brain disease may feel that if someone else's brain can inexplicably not work correctly, then maybe the same thing could happen to them.  And they may be scared to death that they could "lose their mind" too.  They may not understand or trust medication and so be afraid of it.  They may be more comfortable "trusting God" and doing nothing, than trusting God and using the tools He has provided (developing a relationship with Jesus, developing thinking skills, developing a healthy body and lifestyle, and medication).

Perceived failure and its consequences may also be the real issue.  The person who does not believe God uses meds for the brain may feel that the person who is depressed has "failed" to have "faith", or has "sinned" and so must not be "drugged" to insulate them from the pain they need to feel in order to be motivated to "get right with God."  Job's experience with his "friends" teaches us that our response to suffering needs to be compassion, and sharing the burden; not judgment based on our wrong assumptions of "God's ways".

If you know someone who is struggling, you can be a light in a very dark world.  You can offer compassion and hope to them by affirming to them that God is for them and so are you.  You can encourage them that one in five people will deal with a mental illness in their lifetime and that recovery is now the expectation instead of the exception.  And, if they are prescribed medication, (and that medication may have to be changed before the right one is found), you can assure them that Jesus uses medication to help the brain function just as he uses medication to help other parts of the body to function.

What is Jesus like?

What is Jesus like?  The Bible says: 

He is the [exact visible] image of the invisible God. (Colossians 1:15a, KJV, brackets mine)

What is God like?  The Bible says

...God is Love. (1 John 4:8b, KJV)

What is Love like?

¹If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.

²If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing.
³If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.
⁴Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
⁵Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
⁶Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
⁷Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
⁸Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. ⁹We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. ¹⁰But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.
¹¹When I was an infant at my mother’s breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.
¹²We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!
¹³But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly.  And the best of the three is love.  (1 Corinthians chapter 13, The Message)

This is what Love is like.  This is what God is like.  And this is what Jesus is like.  He never gives up on us, He's always looking for the best in us, He doesn't keep a sin scorecard (our sins are wiped away when we trust Him that He paid the penalty for them), He doesn't think He's better than us, He's not stuck up, He doesn't force Himself on us,  He doesn't have to be first, He cares more about us than His own life.

This is one amazing Love...
This is one amazing God...
This is one amazing Jesus.

He's not what you may think

There are many definitions of the "Glory of God".  To me the greatest attribute of God's glory is his humility. God chose to humble Himself and love me when I was arrogant, boastful, insulting and rude; to others and especially to Him.  If God had not endured my disrespect, I would probably be in hell by now.  And rightfully so.  

My greatest weakness may be "Pride."  I wrote evangelistic advertisements for a newspaper.  The ads ran every Saturday.  I did this for two years until my pride was such that I couldn't hear from God any more.  I didn't write again for 8 years.  I knew I was getting proud.  I didn't want to get proud.  I thought I confessed my pride to God.  But I was proud.

Pride is the opposite of love.  Love gets its joy from helping others.  Pride thinks only about itself.  I still need to die to myself.  Every day.

On the other hand, God's humility is amazing.  His depths of self-denial are so great that if I loved like He does I would feel embarrassed.  Like the father of the prodigal son, God undignifies Himself and runs after us to love us.  Where I would feel humiliated to love someone who treated me like I treated God, His strength-of-self knows no such weakness.  He voluntarily throws aside the respect due Him, in order to meet my need.  And He has.  And He truly has my Respect.

How about you?  Did you think God was stuffy, formal and pretentious?  Did you think you were too low for Him to come down to meet you where you are?  He's already there.  And He is waiting for you to ask Him into your life.  And He wants to give you His love.

God is faithful in small things, and will be faithful in large things

I was told by a mentor that seeing as much answered prayer as I do is a gift.  I hope this is not true.  I don't see nearly as much of what God is doing as I would like.  And I hope everyone sees as much or more of what God is doing than I do.

"Thank you Jesus"

If you are like me you have blamed God when things go "wrong".  "God, how could you let this happen?"  If God gets the blame when things go wrong, shouldn't He get the credit when things go right?  And if He should, do I thank Him? for everything?  Did my alarm clock get me out of bed for work?  Thank you Jesus.  Was there air in my car tires to take me to work?  Thank you Jesus.  Did my car start?  Thank you Jesus.  Did the traffic lights work?  Thank you Jesus.  I could spend all day thanking Jesus in my head for all the things that He makes go "right" for me.

If I think these examples are trivial then what would I do if Jesus didn't make these things go "right" for me?  I overslept, had a flat tire, my car wouldn't start and after I had changed the tire, jump started the engine I found myself in a traffic jam because the traffic lights were out.  If it is not trivial when it goes wrong, it is not trivial when Jesus makes it go right.  I'm going to thank Him.

"Fired"

I told my employer that I would not work with pornography, occult, or abortion ads.  They threatened to fire me.  My Bible-study group prayed for my wife and me and I prayed God would tell me what to say.  God didn't give me the exact words to say, instead He made my thinking very clear, He made the path of love very obvious.  I would be hurting others by doing these ads.  I was responsible for my actions.  There is a chain of actions that takes pornography from producer to user and I would not be part of that chain.  God gave me the chance to tell top level management about Jesus.  And in the end, I didn't get fired.  In fact, five years later they asked me to write an evangelism series of ads for them.

"Finding the Lost... Toys"

When we first adopted our two sons (they were 6 and 2 years old) they had lost a toy.  I suggested to them that we pray and ask Jesus to help us find it.  We prayed, "Jesus would you help us find this toy".    I simply told my two sons that Jesus would help them find the toy and that He might not bring the toy to them so they needed to start looking.  And then I had to resist the urge to "help God find the toy."  This was nerve-wracking for me.  Did I really trust God to come through?  What if we didn't find the toy? What would that communicate to my sons? to me?  I was relieved when they found the toy.  I decided that every time we lost something we would ask God to help us find it as a faith building exercise for my two sons, and me.  Sixteen years later we now depend on God to answer our prayer to help us find things that are lost and for everything that concerns us.  And I realize God doesn't need my "help" finding things, I need His.  We have found all but a handful of the things we have lost.  And some of those things may have been thrown away by mistake.

"Mator and the big public test"

Jeremy and John were swimming in a lake with their toys, one of which was a truck called "Mator" from the Disney film Cars.  They lost it in the murky water thirty-five feet from shore.  They yelled to me, "Dad, we lost Mator, we've been looking for it and we can't find it anywhere... should we pray?"  Now this was a test for me.  I have never found anything I have lost in any lake if I couldn't see it. And, dozens of strangers were standing around us waiting for my response.  I yelled back,  "Dear Jesus, please help them find it."  Jeremy took one step and his foot stepped on top of Mator.  My boys were ecstatic.  But not as much as me.  My trust in Jesus soared.  I laid my public reputation and my life's purpose on the line that Jesus could do something I could never do, and He came through.

"Faith Games"

I expanded this idea for my youngest.  He spent a lot of time playing video games then and I said to him, "You know how we pray to Jesus and He helps us find things?"  He said, "Yeah."  I said, "He can help you play video games too.  Just ask Him."  Jesus has turned playing video games into a faith classroom for my youngest son.

"NOT hearing from God"

Interest rates were at record breaking lows for mortgages and the time seemed right to move.  I decided I wouldn't do anything until I heard from God.  My wife wanted to move, people were telling us now was the time, but I wanted to make sure not to run ahead of God.  I waited and prayed for God to let me know it was His will to move.  I waited months and heard nothing from God.  I told God that time may be running out.  Finally, my wife said, "Jim, you're waiting for God to tell you it's time to move, how will He do that?"  I said I was waiting for an impression, something similar to how God has communicated to me in the past.  She said, "Maybe God is speaking through our circumstances?"  Though our elementary school special ed experience had been excellent our sons needed a school system with stronger middle and high school special ed programs.  I realized I had had tunnel vision, expecting God to work in only the ways I had experienced before.  We moved and our boys have had a great special ed experience.  My wife is my best counselor and Jesus uses her daily to help me.

"Looking for a House... and the Bathroom Door"

In our old house I could lay on my bed with my head at the foot of the bed and look through the bedroom door, across the hall, through the bathroom door and make sure my youngest son was okay taking a bath.  I asked God, "How am I going to be able to watch him like this in our next house?"  He had me stand next to my bed, lay down and look at the wall.  He said I would be able to monitor John by laying on my bed just like that.

I didn't believe Him.

After we had bought our new house I realized that the extra door to connect the master bedroom to the main bath  was exactly where God said it would be for me to be able to see into the bathroom and monitor John in the tub.

"Jeremy Tithes"

I told my oldest son about the benefits God claims for those who give Him back the extra 10% he gives us.  My son gave 10% to our local church of the money he had earned and we watched what God would do.  Within a few days a co-worker had run out of people to give free movie tickets to so she offered them to me and my family.  God had taken Jeremy's $7 and given Jeremy $40 in tickets.  Now here's the disclaimer:  God is not Santa Claus, a vending machine or the stock market.  If you give to get rich you will be very disappointed.  God's goal is that we learn to love and depend on Him, not manipulate Him so we can love money more.

"Two of my Mentors say I Over-Spiritualize"

When I first was saved by Jesus my mentor said that I over-spiritualized.  I saw everything in the context of Jesus.  More recently one mentor said, "God doesn't care what color socks you wear."  I believe that if it matters to me, it matters to God, and that if it matters to God, it should matter to me.  And I believe no circumstances are by chance, everything that happens has been planned by God.  And I believe there is no part of life that you can say, "This doesn't have anything to do with God."  There is no such thing as "secular."

What do you want?

What a man wants is unfailing love, better to be poor than a liar.  (Proverbs 19:22 NIV84)

God created us to want unconditional love, to want Him.  It is better to be poor in spirit (know you need God) than to lie (and say in your heart you don't need God).  Satan appeals to our desire to meet our own needs, be our own "god", to be our own source.  Satan hates God, hates that He is love, and hates those who accept Him and His love... and return His love.  He hates God because God's goodness exposes satan's evil selfish corruption.  People worship (value) God because God demonstrates His humility and self-sacrificing care for them every day.  God puts our needs ahead of His own.  He is not only the Great King He is the Lowest (Head) Servant.

But Jesus called them to Himself and said to them, “You know that those who are considered rulers over the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you shall be your servant. And whoever of you desires to be first shall be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many” (Mark 10:42-45, NKJV).

 Satan tells people to blame God for all the evil in the world.  Satan tells people that God is uninterested in them, in their struggles, hurts, cares or dreams.  Satan tells people that God is a nitpicking tyrant just waiting to pounce on them for doing the littlest thing wrong.

These are actually the qualities of satan and the opposite of the qualities of God.

God demonstrated who He really is when He walked on earth with us, in the person of Jesus Christ.  Read the truth about God in the Bible.  Read the Gospels, literally the "Good News": Matthew, Mark, Luke and John at the beginning of the New Testament of the Bible.  Jesus healed the sick, raised the dead, and proclaimed the coming of His kingdom where His kind of loving service would rule; instead of this world's current selfishness.

Do you want a God who is a loving leader; who values you and even your smallest dreams; who has served your greatest need already by paying the cost of your sin so you could spend forever with Him, so He could love you, and you could freely love Him back?  If so, ask Jesus to come into your heart, to be your Servant and your Leader.  Spend time talking to Him and listening to Him through prayer and reading the Bible.  Ask Him to fill you with His Holy Spirit.  Find a church that believes and preaches the Bible.  And tell others what a great thing God has done for you.

Why Give?

The rich rule over the poor,

and the borrower is servant

to the lender.

Proverbs 22:07 NIV84

Listen, my beloved brethren: Has God not chosen the poor of this world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom which He promised to those who love Him?  But you have dishonored the poor man. Do not the rich oppress you and drag you into the courts?  Do they not blaspheme that noble name by which you are called?

If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you do well; but if you show partiality, you commit sin, and are convicted by the law as transgressors. James 2:5-9 NKJV

Darwin suggested that the "strong" were to win out over the "weak"; the survival of the "fittest," and the extinction of the rest.  But what if the rich are allowed their riches by God in order to give the rich the opportunity to bless the poor?  Not forced redistribution of wealth that the socialist advocates, but a freewill chance to love like Jesus loves.  The rich could provide resources and knowledge to those who lack them.

What if the poor has something to offer the rich?  "Has God not chosen the poor of this world to be rich in faith...?"  The poor could help the rich see past this material world, which operates on the principle of selfish gain; to see another world: A world which operates on the principle of loving service, powered by God's love flowing through each of us to the other.  This world's system operates on the basis of "what's in it for me?"  Jesus' system operates on the basis of: "God, what can you give others through me?"  It is a battle of the "get" (or "greed") versus the "give" (or "love") systems of thinking.

Complementariness, or each providing what the other lacks, is a theme that runs through God's creation.  Unequal distribution of wealth (and faith) is no accident.  God made us each of equal value to Him, but unequal in our various abilities.  This is so we come to realize that we need each other.  This is so we can truly bless each other by giving some of what we have more than enough of (resources or faith), and giving it to the other, to meet each other's needs.

And when God gives to you and me, and we each give to each other, the joy you and I and God share with each other, will tell a dying world where to find God.

When God loves another through you, all three of you are blessed.

One man gives freely, yet gains even more;

another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty.

A generous man will prosper;

he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.

Proverbs 11:24-25 NIV84

He who is kind to the poor lends to the LORD, 

and he will reward him for what he has done.

Proverbs 19:17 NIV84

A generous man will himself be blessed, 

for he shares his food with the poor.

Proverbs 22:09 NIV84

He who oppresses the poor 

shows contempt for their Maker, 

but whoever is kind to the needy 

honors God.

Proverbs 14:31 NIV84

Seek first his kingdom (Jesus is the King) 

and his righteousness (Jesus gives us His righteousness),

and all these things (food, clothing and shelter)

will be added unto you as well.

Matthew 6:33

“Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, 
‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink?  
When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You?  
Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’  
And the King will answer and say to them, 
‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, 
you did it to Me.’ 
Matthew 25:37-40 NKJV

When I don't give freely for the benefit of others one of the reasons is that I fear I won't have enough for myself.  I used to force myself to give and when I did give I would find no joy in it at all.  But the above verses point to another way.  What would happen to my giving - and to me - if I didn't have to worry about running out of money (resources)?  What would happen if, when God told me to give more than I thought I could afford, I trusted God to miraculously provide what I needed ?  God, who wrote the above verses, and who cannot lie, said that if I am generous I will: gain even more, prosper, be refreshed, be rewarded, be blessed, and honor God.

But being generous takes guts.  I have to rely on the unseen.  My only guarantee that my finances will work out is that God's Word promises God will come through for me when I obey Him.  I have to put Him to the test.  But when I do put Him to the test, He comes through and I experience His joy.

Satan doesn't like this, and always throws doubt into my mind, trying to get me to believe the lie that God doesn't fulfill His promises.  Satan says, "It's a coincidence."  "That would have happened anyway."  "People will think you're crazy if you tell them, 'God did it miraculously.'"  But if you give God the credit due Him, He will provide you a list of proofs.  My more recent list includes:  When neither my wife nor I had a job and we decided to continue giving to the ministries we usually give to, at the same level as we always had - we always had enough to pay the bills each month.  We tithe, and without me looking for it, I received an email from out of nowhere advertising the job of my dreams.  I was hired for the job of my dreams while doing a double tithing challenge.  I needed hearing aids to do my new job and God provided them for me though the sacrificial giving of others.

The biggest benefit of giving isn't in the pocketbook but in the soul.  I enjoy giving now (except for the times I don't have the guts to trust God).  And I don't give to get rich.  I've specifically asked God not to make me rich and not to make me poor, but to give me what I need for today and tomorrow.

 “Two things I ask of you, O LORD; do not refuse me before I die:

 Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread.

 Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, ‘Who is the LORD?’  Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God.

Proverbs 30:7-9 NIV84

 When I held onto what I had with a tight fist I didn't have enough.  When I opened my hand to help others, God refilled my open hand to give again and again.  God wants to do good through you, won't you trust Him enough to let Him?

New Motivation

Think of a good day you have had.  Your work was challenging but through hard work you gained success.  You imagined another successful step down the path of your career and you made it happen.  You felt accomplishment and relaxed at the end of the day with friends and/or loved ones.  Imagine this day being visually represented as a white card.

Now think about the time when you REALLY didn’t feel like doing something.  Something very difficult, that you weren’t good at, had little chance of success, but were forced to do anyway.  And you felt doing it would not ultimately benefit you.  Now imagine you feel real mental pain as you do this.  And once you are done putting in the intense, exhausting effort to complete this task, you feel no sense of reward, no good feelings, no sense of accomplishment.  And, you feel no sense of completion of the day’s work.  Now imagine that this once-in-a-while-really-bad-day of yours is visually represented by a light gray card.

To some with mental illness it is much worse... every day is a black card day.

Before I had mental illness I had a normal suburban middle class life.  If you asked me if I ever had a really bad day I would be able to tell you with conviction that I had suffered bad days, days I didn’t want to do anything, days as bad as anyone’s.  But these bad days were qualitatively different from, and quantitatively of less intensity than, my average day of depression.

When someone has a broken leg you can see it, you hold the door for them, you are sympathetic.  But mental illness is invisible.  The person who struggles looks the same as a healthy person.  An analogy that comes to mind is someone who is swimming in a pool and someone who is swimming in transparent wet concrete.  The problem is not only the difficulty of swimming in concrete, but the invisible injustice that others are seeing you, and judging you, as if you were swimming in the same water they were.

What are some of the ways “we” experience transparent wet concrete while “you” experience water?  There is so much that a healthy functioning brain does that I was not aware of until I didn’t have it.  When I was depressed my emotions shut down but I didn’t know it.  When I drove my car and the light turned red, my foot did not automatically come off the gas and on to the brake.  I thought: “The light is red.  I have to stop.  Why isn’t my foot coming off the gas?”  I had to consciously force my foot to come up and then consciously force my foot to go down on the brake to stop.  Everything that used to be automatic was now consciously forced “drudgery”.  This is just one of many changes depression made in me; none of them for the better. 

Another example of “us” swimming in transparent wet concrete while “you” are swimming in water – is income.  Mental illness (many times) lowers income.  There is a big difference in how hard it is, how long it takes, how much of the elements you have to face, and how much you can get done in a day when you can only afford public transportation as compared to having your own car.  When I am asking someone to pick up their meds, I am thinking of the half hour round trip it takes me to drive-thru my neighborhood pharmacy.  Someone else using public transportation may have to wait half an hour in sub-zero wind chill, or rain, or blistering heat, just to catch the first leg of their bus journey to get to the pharmacy.  And they may do all of this without the benefit of a healthy brain.

I just do not know the difficulties faced by others, and I do not want to deceive myself into thinking I do.  In another analogy, until they experience sight, blind people have no ability to imagine light or color.  And, similarly, deaf people don’t know what is really meant by someone referring to sound until they have experienced it.  Like them, I have no idea what it is like to experience another’s mental illness.  For example, I don’t know what it is like to hear audible voices (that no one else hears).  I myself deal with malicious emotions that tell me I am worthless, to give up, it’s no use to try to do this job, etc.  But they are feelings not audible voices.  And though I might think I know a little of what they are going through, I really need to talk to them and not assume their experience is similar to mine.  I suggest to you that until you experience severe depression you have no idea how deep that pit is, how black it is, and how steep the walls are.  And you may have no idea how hard it is to survive it, much less get out of it.

Yet even though you haven't experienced it, you care.  And I wildly applaud you for spending your one and only precious life on this earth investing in our good.  You could be making more money, with better hours, and less unpaid overtime, doing much more pleasant activities.  But you choose to use your strength to lift us up - the struggling.  I know from experience how hard it is to be mentally ill, and yet some of you have more compassion and give more effort than I do to help heal those whose wounds you can't even see.  Much of the time you work without the world’s applause, (which it reserves for those who have truly noteworthy contributions to make - like highly paid professionals who put a bouncy ball through a metal ring ;>).  For those who cannot or will not, let me sincerely say thank you for caring about us and for putting that caring into action.  You will never know this side of heaven what you have meant to those of us who desperately needed your help.

You care and you act on that caring so I am not asking you to cry boo hoo for those of us who have dealt with, or are dealing with, mental illness.  What I am asking though, is that you consider the possibility that others experience life intrinsically different than you.  An experience of life that makes some of the easiest tasks that others do each day – and take for granted – very, very difficult for us.  And if you feel this difficult life is possible, grant us patience in proportion to the difficulty you believe we face.

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The preceding was written originally for mental health clinicians to both provide a glimpse of what some of us mentally ill experience every day and to thank them for caring enough about us to do a difficult and sometimes thankless job.