Before I knew Jesus...

Before I knew Jesus and his character, I thought the kind of worship he demanded was like what I saw on an old Popeye cartoon. The evil dictator demanded submission from his subjects. He was so insecure that Popeye and the others had to kneel before the despot and were forced to say he was great.

The real Jesus is the absolute opposite of that. Jesus doesn't demand that I tell him he is great because of insecurities. The real Jesus doesn't demand. He simply loves me with all that he is and I come to know that he willingly took my punishment because he wanted to be with me forever. I come to realize that he is good, his plans are to benefit me, he is completely secure, and I come to love who He is. Knowing Him is freedom. With my sin gone I am free to receive His love and give it back to Him and others. Then His joy of loving and being loved is experienced by me as I know His joy of receiving and giving His love. Worship then is not forced but rather a natural response of appreciation for His character. I say to Him, because I want to say to Him, thank you for having the character of love, humility, sacrifice, and service for me and everyone else.

I do not cringe in fear before Him but can genuinely say to Him, "My Daddy!"

Things I need to learn: Stewardship (leader/managing)

The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender (Proverbs 22:07).

This is not God's design.

God gives us more than we need so that we can be a servant to those in need. The idea is not to amass money in order to loan to those who lack it to get even more money through interest and repayment. The idea is to seek out who you can help with education, encouragement AND finances and serve them until they are strong enough to give to others themselves. When you prove yourself trustworthy in a little, God will entrust you with more. Not to spend on your pleasures, but to serve more and bring more joy (Jesus) into the world.

Things I need to learn: One is not a whole number

When I was little I didn't want help doing new things. I wanted to do it myself; to impress others with how much I already knew. Of course, as a little kid I couldn't do much, life kept teaching me that. I, however, chose not to listen to life. I was going to do life my way, even if it killed me. And it almost did.

Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed (Proverbs 15:22).

After losing my "self" while growing up; because I denied authenticity to gain perceived acceptance, I lost my freedom and my "mind" for ten years because I rebelled against the truth God told me about myself (that I am vile, evil and depraved). Now, twenty-eight years after accepting Jesus and over fifty years since I began trying to impress the world with what I know, I realize that I know only a small part of what I need to know. And others, whether they know it or not, have a valuable contribution to make in my life and I in theirs (if we will let each other). John Maxwell said, "One is too small a number for greatness." We are complementary. We are synergistic. Together we are greater than what we are individually. And what we still lack together, God will supply, if we ask him.

To "grow" I must become "smaller" in order to have room for the greatness God pours through others.

Things I need to learn: Less is More

I used to love money much more than I loved God (and this was after "surrendering" my life to Him). I am still in recovery. Being out of work and having to trust Him because He was the only option left to pay the bills changed me. Unfortunately, when we started making money again I began to slide back into serving money again.

But now I have the memory of a better way. And I pursue it.

Better a little with the fear of the LORD than great wealth with turmoil (Proverbs 15:16).

I used to struggle to get rich. Now I struggle not to want more than I need (except to give it away). My vocation was determined by wanting to serve God with the gifts and experiences He has given me. Not the size of its paycheck.

I have learned that when I sought after and relied on money, money wasn't enough. And seeking and gaining money brought problems with it. When I relied on God, He was and is enough. His resources are limitless, and He brings joy with it.

Less with Peace (Jesus) is better than More with Problems.

Things I need to learn: Diligence

The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty (Proverbs 21:5).

"I don't have enough time," Haste screams to me. "It doesn't matter if you don't have all your "i"s dotted and "t"s crossed, we have to move NOW!" "If we go as fast as we can and cut all our corners and everything works perfect MAYBE we can make it." Panic says it is my friend, "I will motivate you," it says, "I will give you much needed energy. Don't stop, we don't have time to think, it all depends on us. Let's Go!" And a single penny on the track of this bullet train causes devastating  wreckage.

Diligence stands to the side, waiting for me to notice it. It is conspicuous by its lack of Panic. It is not worried about getting done. It knows it will. Or God will supply more time or more help or more of both. Diligence TAKES the time to plan, to think out what may happen in the future. To deal with problems while they are still easily solvable. Diligence discovers efficiency hidden from Haste's frantic closed eyes. Diligence thinks and plans through the day, adjusting to new circumstances and using them to advantage. Diligence trusts in God to make all things work together for the good for those who are the called according to His purpose. Diligence can scale mountains. Diligence never fails.

Meds: To Take or Not to Take, The Top Five Reasons for Each

The Top Five Reasons I didn't want to take meds:

1. They didn't work.  The professionals and my family said they worked, so why do I say they don't work?  Some meds are outwardly calming but are inwardly ineffective in improving thinking.  Thorazine is an example.  It was used on me for seven months in Kalamazoo Regional Psychiatric Hospital because it made me more easily managed by the staff.  But it did not help with my debilitating thoughts.  I only appeared "better".  And that appearance was sufficient for the doctors to stop their search for an "effective" drug to help me.
2. Stigma.  "Crazy" people are shunned by society.  They are looked upon as less than human.  They are shamed.  They have no credibility.  These things were what I feared would happen if I had the "mentally ill" label.  (And they did happen).  I felt the less meds I took, the less "crazy" I was.  So I took as little meds as I could.
3. Fear.  Hey, these meds mess with my brain, what are they going to do to me?  I thought my brain was who I was, what will they change me into? Who will I become?  Will I be me if I take the meds?  If they change me into someone I don't want to be will I know it?  Will I know enough to change back?
4. Satanic lies.  The mental illness, coupled with satan's influence, led me to believe the meds were evil and causing my mental anguish.  Satan knew if I got good meds he would lose control of me, so he did everything he could to dissuade me from taking meds.
5. I didn't think I was mentally ill.  When mental illness affects me I don't experience it as me changing.  I experience it as "the world around me" changing.  My wife is very sweet.  When I am experiencing mental illness symptoms I "hear" her as being condescending, sarcastic and mean spirited.  In reality she isn't being that way, but I experience her as being that way.  Then, like in a science fiction movie, I have to realize what I am experiencing as real is not real.  I have to go against reality and I have to check my meds and see if I have missed taking them for one and a half to two days.  I have to take the right amount of meds and sit quietly for a couple hours until the meds take effect.  When I experience my wife as her normal sweet self I know the meds have taken effect.

The Top Five Reasons I Now Take Meds Everyday (Unless I Forget)

1. They work.  I was at a half way house in 1984, having spent the last ten years in and out of mental hospitals and occasionally taking my meds, when I had the thought, "What would happen if I took my meds the way they were supposed to be taken?  Would they help?"  I had not had that thought in the last ten years.  I started taking the meds regularly and I started spiraling up instead of spiraling down.  The more regularly I took the meds, the better my thinking.  The better my thinking, the more I wanted to take my meds.  I now believe God gave me that thought that started me taking my meds.  He was preparing my mind to be able to understand that He loved me, when the time came for one of his followers to present that love of Jesus to me.
2. Success led to more success.  The success of the anti-psychotic on my thinking enabled me to discover that I had the symptoms of depression (undiagnosed) and anxiety (undiagnosed).  I pursued medication to treat those symptoms and experienced more life-changing results.
3. The benefits of the meds far outweigh the negative side effects.  The meds take away my energy (when I have normal energy levels it means I missed taking my meds).  They are also a catalyst for weight gain.  These side effects are worth dealing with for the priceless benefit of being able to enjoy healthy thinking.
4. Others depend on me.  I am blessed to have a wife and two children. They depend on me, relationally  and financially.  I can't provide for them if I am not taking my meds.
5. I can enjoy a relationship with Jesus.  When I was not taking proper medication life was a black hole.  My emotions were shut down.  I was in psychic pain. And there was no way out.  Meds changed all that by allowing me to be able to think well enough to have a relationship with the One Who loves me most and demonstrates that love to me every day.

What is a "Strong" Personality?

Our culture uses the term "strong personality" in a way that seems funny to me.  If you are loud, selfish, and stubborn, insist on your own way, and get it by force, the culture calls you "strong".  If you are quiet and listen to others, if you don't insist on your own way, but work synergistically to find a better solution than either of you had alone, you are "weak".

Truly strong personalities can be dominant or laid-back, expressive or analytic.  What makes someone truly "strong" is servant-hood.  What makes them "weak" is selfishness.

Jesus was the strongest and the most completely developed personality I know.  He used His dominance to lead and protect 12 men from the attacks of men and satan.  He used His laid-back qualities to promote peace between a former Roman-sympathizing traitorous tax-collector (Matthew) and a former revolutionary Roman-hating Zionist (Simon the Zealot).  He expressed His love for others openly through laughter, weeping and everything in between.  He was calculating, telling Judas to hurry, revealing He knew Judas plot and making sure He would be buried before sundown.

Jesus used His strength to serve others, not to seek what He wanted.  He was and is committed to His Father and to us.

Are you strong?

How many can be first?

Jesus said that if we want to be first, we need to be the slave of all.  In the hierarchy of this world's system only one can be first.  But thank God in His system being first is available to everyone.  All of us can be the slave of all.

You may say, "I don't want to be a slave and certainly not to all."  Jesus said that we are either slaves to righteousness (Jesus), or slaves to sin (satan).  There is no middle ground.  If we want to know Jesus, we need to follow him and do what he does.  And that means serving everyone with unconditional love.  And, inviting them to follow Jesus with us (if they so choose).

Why would a Good God give me Mental Illness?

By james.bruce.mcnaughton@gmail.com        http://i-m-4-u.blogspot.com

I grew up obeying rules and secretly (secret from myself, that is) thinking I was better than other people. At nineteen, as I was beginning a slide into depression, but didn't know it, I was "called" into my bedroom by what I was hoping/afraid might be God. I told Him I wanted to be like the Christians in the Bible. God told me through the Bible that those who are forgiven little, love little. But, those who are forgiven much, love much. I thought I had little to be forgiven of so I told God I wanted to be forgiven of much and I thought it might be fun to sin. God impressed on my spirit, "You're a sinner!" He wasn't talking about your everyday church-going sinner that we all are. He meant I was vile, evil and depraved. I replied, "No, I'm not!" He said again, "You're a sinner!" I said again, "No, I'm not!"

Then God did the kindest, most loving thing He could do for me: He "blessed" me with mental illness (that would not be correctly treated for ten years). The mental illness caused indescribable psychic pain, anguish, regret, and shame. My emotions left me (but I didn't know it) causing me to feel like I hadn't really talked to anyone for ten years; I literally felt alone for all of those years. And, my Pride was assaulted: I was in and out of mental hospitals, I was humiliated because I lost many jobs, I could not do some of the simplest of things (like count money), and I despised being labeled mentally ill and a failure.

Why did I call it God's "blessing?" because that was the only way for my Pride to fall. I came to realize I was vile, evil and depraved; just like God had told me. God called me again after ten years and I grudgingly accepted Him. And God began the continuous work of changing me so that eventually I will have the beautiful loving character of His Only Begotten Son, Jesus.

But bringing me to Jesus wasn't the only value of the pain. God allowed that pain to go deep within to allow me to care deeply about the hurts of others; to be able to empathize with others, and let others in pain know I that have hurt deeply as well. I use the pain God gave me every day in my job, as I walk alongside those dealing with mental illness. (And, I also use the pain to understand others who have experienced pain, such as my children, who were traumatized before we adopted them).

I wouldn't wish mental illness on anyone. I wish I could have learned without the pain. But God used the pain to win me to Himself and change me; and help me to care about, and be willing and able to serve, others.

And for that I will forever be grateful.

If your eye is good your whole body will be filled with light

Jesus said that the eye was the lamp of the body.  If your eye is good your whole body will be filled with light.  But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be filled with darkness.  And, if the light within you is darkness, how terribly dark that darkness (see Matthew 6:23).

What I see comes from the outside world.  How I see, comes from me.  Facts, (according to the book Crucial Conversations) are neutral.  It is the story I tell myself about the facts that creates meaning to me.  I then believe that the story I have created from myself is true and project that meaning onto the facts.

What if I see evil in other people?  If I condemn someone else, I have condemned myself first.  Because, when I see the facts of what someone is doing, I look back when I did the same or similar things, condemn what I did, judge myself and then project that condemnation and judgement on the other person (see Matthew chapter 7).

What if my eye is good?  To the pure all things are pure (see Titus 1:15).  When my eyes are good, I see evil as satan's influence on someone who was created by and is loved by God.  I condemn the evil, not the person.  My struggle is not against flesh and blood (see Ephesians 6:12).  My struggle is against satan and his influence.  (Thank God, Jesus has already won our victory through His offering of Himself to God as our condemned substitute (see 1 Corinthians 15:17 ).

What if the light within me is darkness?  If I condemn what is actually good as being evil, then I close the door of my mind to the possibility of ever understanding good.  And I won't know what is good until I say, as Jesus stated, "Blessed is He who comes in the Name of the Lord!" (see Matthew 23:39) That is, until I welcome Jesus as the definition and the standard of the goodness of God, as God in the flesh.

I was a perfect parent… until I had children

About 18 months ago

"I was a perfect parent... until I had children" was "I AM for You!" blog's first post.  Since then and about post per week later it has been buried under almost 90 posts.  I brought it up to the top of the blog again because it is one of my favorite pieces of writing and I would like to make it known to those who had not seen it before.

Preface

The great thing about being young and inexperienced is that you know everything.  At least I did.  Before I had children I knew what every misbehaving kid needed.  Before children I had all the answers.  After children I don't even remember the questions.  But it is not just the young and inexperienced who suffer from omniscience.  Experienced parents who believe that what worked for their kids will work for all kids cause greater pain.  And the parents of special needs kids, in my case kids with mental health challenges,  feel that pain.  Sometimes from the disapproving looks of strangers, but many times from the comments of their own parents, family and friends.

I was a perfect parent… until I had children

By Jim McNaughton B.S. (Barely Sane)
(Style inspired by Dr. Seuss, only for parents)

Some children are brought home and sleep through the night

They are corrected according to the books

They don’t fight and they don’t bite

And fall in line with one stern look

The parents of these

Children that please

Sometimes take the credit

They write books and give others looks

When the others just don’t quite get it

But we are not the parents of these that please

Our children not only don’t get it

They study us intently to learn our faults and

Our buttons in hopes to upset it

They can weave a lie without batting an eye

They love the crowds all around

To yell “you’re hurting me” and “I can’t breathe”

Though you’re NOT and they CAN

(And YOU just want to LEAVE)

Try Love and Logic they say

It works the best

(Unless you’re kid has no

Cause and effect)

Put up a chart… Charge him for you to do his chores…

You just need to be firm… You just need to love more…

We know the answer… (Though we hardly know your kid…)

We think we know him much more than you ever did

So the next time you see my child and me

Struggling while we go through the store

Please lend us some of your compassion

Advice… We don’t need any more.

All of life comes down to deciding between two choices

I was inspired by Dr. Charles F. Stanley of InTouch.org today.  He got me thinking: Are my choices getting me what I want?  Are my choices delivering on the promises they make?  Dr. Stanley talked about the two choices we have as outlined in the sermon on the mount (start in Matthew 5 in the Bible).  One way is narrow, hard, and few are traveling on it.  The other way is easy, wide, and many are traveling on it.  Yet both promise something we want.

The easy way promises fame, fortune, power and pleasure.  And promises that when these are delivered I will have achieved happiness.  This is the path I started out traveling.  This fueled my high school and college academic achievement with the hopes of someday being rich and famous (and my highest goal of someday being able to afford a maid because I hate cleaning:-).

The hard way involves - not achieving - but surrendering.  Surrendering my hopes and dreams - my life - in exchange for finding true life, true love and true meaning and purpose - by following Jesus.  Surrendering is hard.  I only did it because God took away almost every other option from me: the ability to think and act, the ability to earn money and live the life I had dreamed.  I surrendered because I had nothing to lose.  God had made the choice as easy as possible for me.

But what about you?  You may have a career that you may have to give up, family who don't understand and friends that will reject someone who openly loves Jesus.  The good news is that Jesus said that anyone who gives up careers, family, and friends for Him will receive many times more in this life and eternal life in the life to come.

Jesus does not leave us as orphans.  He takes care of us, better than we can ourselves.  And by following Jesus we can pray for and serve the very ones who reject us because of Jesus.  And possibly they may come to know true life in Jesus for themselves because God's love is shown through our efforts.

I have heard enough testimonies of those who have "made it" and found it "wasn't worth it" to be convinced that the easy way doesn't deliver on its promise of happiness.  And God has filled my life with good things: a job I love, a wife I love, two sons I love, friends I love; to know God comes through on His promise of an abundant life for those who love and follow Him.

What I wish I'd known 17 years ago

I was reading Crucial Conversations (an extremely good book) when I got to thinking about my difficulty in forgiveness.  I realized that my son had emotionally wounded me the first night he stayed with us when we adopted him and his brother.  I had been carrying around that hurt for seventeen years.  As I tried to re-experience him dismissing me in disgust and the resulting worthless feeling I had about myself I wondered how I could resolve this hole in my heart.

I prayed about it and I realized that my son, through his attacks, was actually telling me what he needed from me to heal him.

He felt worthless (a result of being abused and neglected for five and one-half years in his birth home before we adopted him) and he was trying to make me feel how he felt so I would know how to help him.  (I don't believe he wasn't doing any of this consciously, though).

Once I saw this I explained to him what I was thinking and apologized for not understanding him, for seeing only the surface attacks and feeling their pain and not understanding the communication of a physically and emotionally traumatized little boy.

He accepted my apology but I don't think he understood fully what I was talking about.  Then unexpectedly, I noticed my heart changed.  I didn't have an undercurrent of resentment toward him that I had been unknowingly carrying around.  I finally felt free to more completely accept and love him.  Which is what his near constant attacks had been asking of me all along.

I only wish I'd understood this seventeen years ago.

It took going "crazy" to discover what real sanity was

I am grateful to God for the mental illness He gave me.  (But I would never want to repeat it).  Looking back I was "crazier" when I was "sane" and sane now that I'm mentally ill.

Let me unpack that.

Before mental illness I wanted to be a aerospace engineer.  I wanted to impress people with how smart I was.  I wanted fame, fortune, power and pleasure.  I had bought the whole commercial-driven American media world-view.

Most of the girls in my high school graduation class wanted to be social workers it seemed.  I thought they were crazy.  Helping people seemed like a colossal, boring, unrewarding waste of time.

It was at this point that God publicly invaded my private world.  God told me I was a sinner, but I didn't believe Him.  What I didn't know was that I was in love with myself, looked down on everyone else, and thought the world should serve me.   That's when God gave me mental illness.  And my life and the lies I told myself, about myself, fell with a great crash.  God humbled me.  I couldn't get much "lower" in superficial stereo-typed status than being intermittently locked up in mental hospitals.

For the next ten years I fought God and the meds.  At the end of ten years God gave me the wisdom to take the meds.  Then He sent Bonnie, who knew and loved Jesus, to tell me Jesus loved me.  I wasn't interested.  Then Bonnie told me that if I rejected the love of Jesus, the only thing left for me was hell.

That got my attention.

I chose to turn around and follow Jesus.

He forgave me, loved me and gave me a heart that cared about other people.  Now I am a Certified Peer Support Specialist working with others who themselves deal with mental illness.  I encourage, give hope, and care.  And I love it.  It took most of my life to discover my life's work.  And it took going "crazy" to discover what real sanity is.

Why did I reject His love?

God did not originally prepare hell for people.  Jesus said that hell was prepared for the devil and his angels.  Why?  Because hell protects others from being hurt by the evil of satan and his demons.  Unfortunately hell is also the destiny of some people.  All people (except Jesus) have rejected God at least once.  They have wanted to do their own thing, be their own “god”, they have not wanted to submit to love and so they do evil to other people and to God.  Jesus’ offer of forgiveness, cleansing, righteousness, and restored fellowship with His Father, is offered to all.  It is God’s desire that all come to the knowledge of this truth and accept His offer.  Yet some, exercising their right to freely choose, a right given by God, will not humble themselves and accept God’s free gift of life.  Jesus said they do this because they love the darkness better than the light.  But satan and his demons, and people who reject God’s forgiveness, will someday not be allowed to hurt anyone any more.  In hell each will be alone, in darkness, with their lies stripped from their minds, seeing clearly what they have done, wondering over and over, “Why did I reject His love?”

How the threat of hell turned me to Jesus

I was told that most people initially come to God because of His love for them.  I did not.  I came to God because I was afraid of going to hell.  Hell was an instrumental part of the gospel for me to come to Jesus.  I didn't care about Jesus' love for me (before I came to know Him, that is).  But I did care about suffering, and being condemned for eternity.  When Bonnie, (who was telling me about hell) heard me say to her, "Something is telling me that this (hell) isn't true," she replied, "That's satan lying to you."  I then instantly remembered a science fiction short story where someone was controlling everyone's mind, but made them think it was their own thoughts.

Could satan be deceiving me and I not know it?

This was a pivotal question.

The stakes were too high to dismiss the possibility immediately, I had to think about it.  If satan was real and the master of deceit, would he want me to be aware of him influencing my thoughts?  No, he would want me to be deceived into thinking that he was not controlling me, that my thoughts were my own and that I was free to think and do what I want.  He would not want me to believe in hell and know that that is where I was headed.  He would tell me that hell isn't true.

I wrestled with this "going to hell" thing for days (at least it seemed like it).  Late at night, I decided to accept Jesus as my Savior.  It couldn't really be as easy as telling Jesus I was sorry for my sins (and meaning it) and accepting His death on the cross as payment (in full) to God for those sins, could it?  I prayed over and over.  But I didn't "feel" saved.  Finally, I said to God, "I have done what you have asked, if I'm not saved it's your fault!"  And I went to bed.  I felt strangely confident that I had done the right thing.  Looking back I didn't treat God with the respect He deserves, but I did trust Him to save me.  And He honors that.

If you don't have a growing relationship with Jesus, the Master of the universe, and you would like one, ask Him for one, He is glad to reach out to anyone who calls on Him.  If you do not want a relationship with Jesus you are warned.  You are already on your way to an eternity without Love, without Jesus, without God.  You will be alone (not partying with friends).  And you will wonder over and over, "Why did I reject Him?"  And that is hell.

Do You Want to Know Jesus?

God created us with a free will.
He respects us so much that He will not force Himself on us.
He is a gentleman and only goes where He is invited.
He created this world in such a way that while we live in it we can choose whether we want a relationship with Him or not.
We can acknowledge Him or deny Him.
Because God loves us and seeks our love He has left a record of who He is, what He is like, and what He wants.
It's the Bible.
In the Bible He pleads with us to choose Him because He is Life and Love and Peace.
He gives blessing to those who love and follow Him.
He warns us that apart from following Him there is no life, love or peace.
There is momentary pleasure in not obeying God (sin), but the pain that follows can last forever.
He offers complete forgiveness and new life to anyone who asks Him for it.
It is His free gift to us; though it cost Him His life to be able to offer it.
You have a choice to make.
You can ignore what you have just read.
You can post-pone your decision.
Or, you can act on what you've read.  
If you ignore what you have read, and die that way, you will stand before Jesus having rejected His offer of His Love and Forgiveness.
You will suddenly realize that what you thought was most important in life (fame, fortune, pleasure and power) now means nothing.
And Loving God and other people will become the glaringly obvious purpose your life was to have.
If you post-pone your decision you have made a false assumption that you will have a second chance to decide.
You know absolutely nothing about the future.
Your life could end before you finish reading this sentence.
So, in reality, no answer is the answer no.
And, because you passively rejected God you will experience the same fate as those who actively reject God.
Or, you can act on what you have read.
You can realize that God made you, loves you, died to forgive you and wants a love relationship with you.
You can humble yourself and ask for His forgiveness and surrender to Him, making Him the One Who Saves you and the One Who Leads you.
God's Holy Spirit of Jesus will come to live in you and will never leave you.
He will give you a new spirit that is bent toward loving God and other people.
And He will give you tests and trials meant to shape you more and more like His Son Jesus; and also meant to reveal to the world The One living inside you.
I wasted my life until I was 27 years old before accepting Jesus.
And God had to give me mental illness, and take away everything I ever wanted before I would risk surrendering to Him.
Now I would not go back to living apart from Him for anyone or anything.
Jesus is my Life.
And it is a joy filled life.
There is pain, but there is never ending hope.
And I will be forever glad that I chose to follow Jesus.

Why God allowed suffering in my life (for both before and after becoming a Christian)

I grew up obeying rules and secretly (secret from myself, that is) thinking I was better than other people.  At nineteen, as I was beginning a slide into depression but didn't know it, I was "called" into my bedroom by what I was hoping/afraid might be God.  I told Him I wanted to be like the Christians in the Bible.  God told me through the Bible that those who are forgiven little, love little.  But, those who are forgiven much, love much.  I thought I had little to be forgiven of so I told God I wanted to be forgiven of much and I thought it might be fun to sin.  God impressed on my spirit, "You're a sinner!"  He wasn't talking about your everyday church-going sinner that we all are.  He meant I was vile, evil and depraved.  I replied, "No, I'm not!"  He said again, "You're a sinner!"  I said again, "No, I'm not!"

Then God did the kindest, most loving thing He could do for me:  He "blessed" me with mental illness (that would not be correctly treated for ten years).  The mental illness caused indescribable psychic pain, anguish, regret, and shame.  My emotions left me (but I didn't know it) causing me to feel like I hadn't really talked to anyone for ten years; I literally felt alone for all of those years.  And, my Pride was assaulted:  I was in and out of mental hospitals, I was humiliated because I lost many jobs, I could not do some of the simplest of things (like count money), and I despised being labeled mentally ill and a failure.

Why did I call it God's "blessing?" because that was the only way for my Pride to fall.  I came to realize I was vile, evil and depraved; just like God had told me.  God called me again after ten years and I grudgingly accepted Him.  And God began the continuous work of changing me so that eventually I will have the beautiful loving character of His Only Begotten Son, Jesus.

But bringing me to Jesus wasn't the only value of the pain.  God allowed that pain to go deep within to allow me to care deeply about the hurts of others; to be able to empathize with others, and let others in pain know I that have hurt deeply as well.  I use the pain God gave me every day in my job, as I walk alongside those dealing with mental illness.  (And, I also use the pain to understand others who have experienced pain, such as my children, who were traumatized before we adopted them).

I wouldn't wish mental illness on anyone.  I wish I could have learned without the pain.  But God used the pain to win me to Himself and change me; and help me to care about, and be willing and able to serve, others.

And for that I will forever be grateful.

Why does God allow Suffering in the Christian's life?

I just got done watching InTouch with Dr. Charles F. Stanley.  I was convicted that I may have been sending the message that once you are rightly related to God, through faith in His Son Jesus' death on the cross paying for your sins, that everything after is peace, joy and love.  Dr. Stanley said that some things we can only learn as we experience pain and suffering; suffering from obeying God, and suffering from not obeying God.

Suffering from not obeying God makes sense.  God has the best planned for us.  If we don't do what He says we can suffer the natural consequences of not positioning ourselves for His best.

But what about when we obey God and there is pain and suffering?  Does that mean God has abandoned us?  Does that mean it is pointless to serve God?  God says through Jesus in the Bible that when we suffer for doing good there is blessing.

“Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake.  Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you." - Jesus, Matthew 5:11-12, NKJV

I have personal experience of this being true.  When I first became a Christian I told a person close to me about Jesus and what He had done for me.  They hurled their vehement anger towards God, at me.  Later, they told me a very sad cynical sexually-themed joke and when I didn't laugh they accused me of thinking the joke was funny but being a hypocrite and not laughing.  They continued to insult me personally and Christians in general as evil, self-righteous, holier-than-thou, hypocrites.  The experience was painful, God insulated me from the worst of it by taking it upon Himself, and I didn't say anything negative back to this person. (I wasn't strong enough at that time to return good for evil, the best I could do was not retaliate).

What was my reward?  Many years later I was thinking about what happened and I realized, that by obeying Jesus, and doing what did not come naturally, I had loved this person. I had done what was in their best interest.  I had told them about the love of God and demonstrated it by not returning evil for evil.  And that was worth more to me than gold or homes or cars.  That truly was a "great reward".

It can be very painful following God, but God always works everything out for our good.  And He also works out everything so that the world can know who He truly is.  As Dr. Charles F. Stanley says, "Obey God, and leave all the consequences to Him."

Jesus can make satan's lies tell the truth (Part 2)

Back in September I wrote about verses that help me battle satanic thoughts.  I read it recently and realized I never followed up on it.  When Jesus battled satan He quoted the Scriptures.  By trusting His Father and the authority of His Word He defeated the lies of the devil.

I think satan's favorite pastime is to condemn me.  He makes it sound as if everything I do or say has evil intent.  He twists my words, or the interpretation of those words, to mean something I did not intend for them to mean.  The result is I feel guilty and condemned for something I haven't done.

Or, satan stirs up guilt over something I have done.  Satan reminds me of a time that I followed him and condemns me for what I did.  The result is I feel guilty and condemned for something I have done.

The following are some of the verses that help me:

There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.   

Romans 8:1 NKJV

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

2 Corinthians 5:17, NKJV

...who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness—by whose stripes you were healed. 

1 Peter 2:24 NKJV

As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us. 

 Psalm 103:12, KJV

 Jesus has done it all for us.  He has conquered sin, death and hell and made us His righteousness.  He will fight our battles with satan.  He will bring to mind verses you have read that can make satan's lies tell the truth.  But we must know His Word the Bible.  We must hide His Word in our hearts (memorize helpful passages of the Bible).  And, we must trust and obey Him.

Dear Mom and Dad,

Thank you both for giving me life, when your life, at that time, was hard.

You gave me cans of food to share with the poor so I wouldn't feel left out at the church food drive, (even though we could have been the recipients of that food drive).

You both worked hard so that we would be warm, dry and fed.

You moved us to a good school system to prepare us for college by building two homes after work with little help.

Dad,

you made us ice skating rinks by spraying water in the cold of winter night.

For Christmas, you took a 4x8 sheet of plywood and built my brother and I a slot car track.

You built a puppet theater for my sister that I used as a space ship.

Later, you built a "greenhouse" booth for my Junior Achievement Company where we sold flower pot hangers.

When I became mentally ill both of you sought help for me and,

You gave me a place to stay when because of mental illness I couldn't really afford much.

You helped me move three times.

You fixed my trailer when it needed a new floor, my house when it needed railings, replaced toilets, faucets, electrical stuff, and the list goes on and on.

Dad, you have been there for me.

And Mom, so have you.

You sacrificed your sleep by working 11pm to 7am so that you could be home for us during the day.

You stressed the importance of learning, something I value now more than when I was in school.

You modeled reading; you took me to the library and encouraged my reading for pleasure, not just for school.

You sparked my interest in Wisdom literature and psychology by telling me quotes from books you were reading.

And both of you have given me things that have had strategic importance.

When I couldn't hear well enough to do my new job, you both fixed that.

And you even gave me the laptop I'm writing this on.

This Father's Day I thank you both for the tremendous influence you have been in my life.

Happy Father's Day and (a little late) Happy Mother's Day,

Love, Jim

A Father's Gift from God

I cannot imagine being a father to our two sons without their mother (my wife) and her godly influence on my life.

I am a listener.  I don't have the need to talk all the time.  But when I need to talk it is an intense need, and the one I want to talk to the most is my wife.  She listens then.  And she lets me vent my heart without jumping in and "solving" my frustration.  I then ask for her opinions and we give and take; or she just gives and I take (when necessary).

When we are having trouble with one or both of our sons she doesn't try to tell me how I should respond to them.  She doesn't micromanage home life.  She asks me questions to help me see what is truly important in the situations we experience with our two sons.  These questions help me see critical things I am missing on my own.

My wife prays for me.  She knows that only Jesus can help me be a better father.  She knows the only one who can change me is God and she puts her time and effort in with Him.  She spends time with Jesus on my behalf.

Honey, many women do noble things, but you are my gift from God.

You can choose to go to Heaven (Part 2)

Jesus has done almost everything needed for us to enjoy a relationship with Him forever.  We have a critical part to play in receiving and giving Jesus' love.  Jesus began His ministry by saying, "Repent for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!"  What does that mean?  Repentance means to "turn around and go in the opposite direction."  Jesus' gift of Eternal Life, and eternity with Him, is completely free.  It cost Jesus His life to be able to give it to us, but He gives it to us freely as a gift of love.  But what do we need to do, and what does Jesus need us to do, so that He can live His life freely through us?  We must be willing to turn from the principle of sin, and from the actions of sins; specifically, we must renounce that which hurts God and other people and ourselves.  You may be thinking, "Jim, I've tried to change before, I can't do it!"  I can't either.  No one can... not by themselves.  The Spirit of Jesus, The Holy Spirit, must remove the sin principle that is in us and give us His power to be "bent toward God" in order for us to leave our sins and truly love God and other people.  If we are willing to surrender control of our lives, and obey God, God is more than willing to give us His power to change and to leave evil actions behind and to live for Him.

You can choose to go to Heaven

To me the best salespeople aren't the ones who try to pressure me into doing what they want me to do.  To me the best salespeople are the ones who give me the facts and respect me enough to let me make up my own mind.  One of my former pastors, Rev. Dave Terhune, used to say that he's in sales and God is in management.  My pastor presented Jesus, told how much Jesus loved them (by dying in their place, and rising from the dead to give them new life forever), and their response and the consequences of their response (surrender to Jesus and live with Him forever; decide not to surrender, or decide not to decide, and be separated from Jesus forever (Hell)).

Pastor Dave never saved a single soul using this method.

But God saved hundreds of people, using Pastor Dave, using this method.  Give people the truth.  Give them the options and consequences of those options.  And let God do the rest.  Because only He can do the rest.

Contrary to what much of what our culture believes, God loves you and everyone else.  In eternity past He thought: I want to make a Jim McNaughton.  Now God knew before He made me that I would reject Him and need to have my mind taken away from me for ten years before I would be humbled enough to accept Him.  He knew that I would hate Him when I was in that pain, for what He had done to me .  He loved me enough that he was willing to endure me and my rebellion, until at last I surrendered to Him.  Now I realize that all that indescribable pain was worth it.  On the other side of ignorance and pain is the realization that God suffered with me and for me and I was never alone.  Mental Illness was a gift packaged in pain that changed my attitude from pride to humility.  Looking back the pain was infinitely worth it.  And I would go through it again if that was the only way to know Christ.  But... I definitely would not want to go through it again if I didn't have to go through it again.

I think it was King David who said, "Strike me, it is a kindness." And his son King Solomon that said, "The wounds of a friend can be trusted."  Just because I was in the worst pain I have ever experienced didn't mean that God didn't exist, that God was powerless to stop the pain, or that God was evil.  God exists, He gave me the pain, and He made it work together for my good.

Millions of people suffer infinitely more than I have.  I don't know why God allows so much pain.  But, I believe that when someone hurts, He hurts.  I watched the movie, God's Not Dead, a few hours ago and they brought up our Free Will.  God chose to give us a choice as to whether we believe, trust and obey Him.  Or, whether we do not believe, trust and obey Him.  When we believe, trust and obey God we experience peace, joy and love.  All that is going on around us may be chaos.  But, on the inside, we enjoy God's presence.  When we choose not to believe trust and obey him we experience evil, or the absence of God.

God wants you to choose life, to choose Him because He knows He is the best thing for you.  He made you because He wanted to love you and wanted you to experience His joy in receiving and giving love.  But He respects you and your right to choose.  He will not force Himself on you.  When He made you He placed you in times and circumstances that would best influence you to search for Him and find Him and realize that He loves you.  But He also allows you to choose to ignore Him, and pretend He does not exist, and die without Him, forever.  He is not wrong for allowing this.  It is the outflow of having a Free Will.  If you say to God, "Leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone," (active rejection), or decide not to decide, (passive rejection), He will do what you want.  And an eternity without God is Hell.

God is desperately pleading with you to choose Life, to choose Him.  But the only guaranteed time you have is today.  His arms are stretched out to you, His hands open wide.  But it is up to you.  Will you return His love?

Jesus was faithful again in a small/large thing

My wife called me and said she had lost a roll of 100 stamps.  To us, $56.00 is a lot of money.  We prayed over the phone, dear Jesus, please find the stamps.  It was 5:00pm and my wife had bought the stamps at the Post Office around 9:30am.  She had searched everywhere and so decided to go back to the Post Office where she bought them.  As she approached the Post Office's parking lot she prayed, dear Jesus, I know you care about postage stamps.  When she got to the parking lot she saw the top of the tiny, flattened, cellophane covered roll of stamps.  She called me and said excitedly, "Did you  know God cares about our finances?"

"A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out."

God cares about the smallest details of our lives.  That is the character of Jesus.  He cares so much about you that He decided He would rather die than spend eternity without you.  And now it's your turn to decide if you want to spend eternity with Him.  He will not force you, He's a gentleman, and only goes where He's invited.  He offers eternal life, right now, not just after you die.  And you don't have to be perfect, that's His work, to make you like Himself.  You do have to choose, as He makes you able, to not sin anymore.  But if you do sin again, He is faithful and forgives you and helps you through the consequences of sin.  He will also challenge you to discover that His way is better than any sin.  When you choose to obey Him, He will give you real life, real joy, real meaning, real satisfaction.  You will discover that satan's way has never ultimately satisfied you like Jesus' way.

Jesus is with you right now.  He can give you the power to change.  All you have to do is ask Him, and let Him give you the power to obey Him.

Defeating the sin which so easily ensnares us

Satan is appealing to my pride again.  He is telling me (not in words, but in thoughts and feelings) that I KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT GOD that I don't need to learn from other people (which God says in Proverbs clearly that I do need to learn from others).  I identified this feeling when in a Christian bookstore reading the covers of some books.  I decided to buy the book I was looking at (and my feelings were telling me that I didn't need to read it).  Then I told my wife what I was going through. 

I have started reading the book (All In: You are one decision away from a totally different life by Mark Batterson) and it is very good and I am learning alot and being motivated alot (which satan didn't want). By telling my wife about my struggle, the sin of pride is not in the dark anymore, where it can grow and destroy me.  Instead, it is in the light which exposes its true malicious intent.

¹Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, ²looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.                                                                             - Paul the Apostle, Hebrews 12:1 NKJV

 I experience world-class feelings of insecurity and inferiority sometimes.  Satan used my God-given need to feel the value God has given us, against me.   However, detecting satan can be so difficult sometimes.  He can be so subtle and appeals to our God-given needs (but he wants us to meet those needs outside of God's will).  But by following Jesus I (and you) can defeat satan.

It has been said that to learn how to recognize counterfeit money you have get to know the real thing better.  It has also been said that to learn how to recognize satan, get to know Jesus better.

Jesus and Psych Medication

Some television pastors that I highly respect believe that mental illness, including depression, can be best treated without medication.  While some depression can be treated by developing a better relationship with Jesus, and some can be treated by learning better thinking patterns, and still others can be treated by having a healthier body and lifestyle; I believe some mental illness requires medication, as well as these other treatments.

At the early onset of depression, medication (SSRIs) can arrest a downward spiral. This can give the person an opportunity to develop a better relationship with Jesus, to learn and apply more effective thinking patterns, and to gain the benefits of a healthier body and lifestyle.  By acquiring new skills a person may be able to manage their situation better, and may be able to get off the meds relatively soon.

By waiting to take meds, or not take them at all, as some pastors suggest, permanent damage to the brain can occur and the person can then need the medication for life.  (Not to mention that the person could become so ill without medication they could even take their own life).

The brain is a physical organ of the body.  It is the interface between our mind and the physical world.  As an organ of the body it is subject to disease just as the other organs of the body are subject to disease.  Just as bone marrow produces blood and the pancreas produces bile, the brain produces, among other things, thoughts.  Disease interferes with the correct production of these thoughts.  That is, many times these diseases interfere with the electro-chemical interactions of the brain that produce correct thinking.  These electro-chemical interactions can sometimes be corrected by medication.

Serotonin is a naturally occurring chemical in the brain that helps us to naturally "feel good".  If the serotonin the brain is producing is insufficient, depression can result.  SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitors) are used to cause the brain to recycle its own limited supply of serotonin.  It is still your own serotonin; it is just reused over and over instead of being used up the first time.

Some may say, "God can heal depression."  And to that I say, "Absolutely!"  God has the power to miraculously heal depression, all mental illness, and all illnesses - without the use of doctors or medicine.  But why does the Bible not condemn Luke for being a doctor?  And why did the Apostle Paul say to Timothy, "Have a little wine for your stomach's sake?"  Is intervention - by people and medicine - to heal the body (and the brain is part of the body) universally condemned by all of Scripture?  As Jesus said, "Let's judge by true standards!"  Do you use glasses to correct your vision?  Would you say, "My lack of vision is caused by a lack of faith in Jesus to heal me, I am going to have faith and drive without glasses now."  Would you say to a person dealing with diabetes, "Your poor diet and lack of exercise has caused this, repent, stop taking your medication, and trust Jesus to heal you?"  Would you have surgery without anesthesia because anesthesia affects the brain?  Have you ever taken an aspirin?  Have you ever had a cup of coffee?

Mental illness is unimaginable suffering (as I know from experience).  When the religious people of Jesus' day held that God did not want the man with the withered hand and the woman bent over in pain to be healed on the Sabbath; but rather to continue in their pain one more day; because they interpreted Scripture to forbid all work on the Sabbath; Jesus was indignant and angry at their lack of compassion.  I can see Jesus saying to them then: Which one of you would not pull your animal out of a pit if it had fallen into it on the Sabbath… (breaking your own man-made rule).  And I can see Jesus saying to them and us: …Yet you don't care about a fellow person's intense pain and suffering, (because of your man-made rule that "God doesn't use medicine for the brain"?)  As Jesus said, "Use true standards!"

Jesus felt healing people's suffering was more important than rules.  Jesus gave the example of David, on the run and hungry, asking the priests for the show bread; which only the priests could legally eat according to God's Law.  The priests gave it to him and he and his men ate it, in direct violation of Scripture.  Jesus said that all "rules" must be derived from "Love God, love people."  I believe God allows the use of meds to help the brain and so help people not to suffer, to reclaim their thinking, and to recover.

The real issue here, I believe, may not be medical intervention of brain disease.  The real issues may be fear; and perceived failure and its consequences.  Fear, in that the people who say not to use meds for brain disease may feel that if someone else's brain can inexplicably not work correctly, then maybe the same thing could happen to them.  And they may be scared to death that they could "lose their mind" too.  They may not understand or trust medication and so be afraid of it.  They may be more comfortable "trusting God" and doing nothing, than trusting God and using the tools He has provided (developing a relationship with Jesus, developing thinking skills, developing a healthy body and lifestyle, and medication).

Perceived failure and its consequences may also be the real issue.  The person who does not believe God uses meds for the brain may feel that the person who is depressed has "failed" to have "faith", or has "sinned" and so must not be "drugged" to insulate them from the pain they need to feel in order to be motivated to "get right with God."  Job's experience with his "friends" teaches us that our response to suffering needs to be compassion, and sharing the burden; not judgment based on our wrong assumptions of "God's ways".

If you know someone who is struggling, you can be a light in a very dark world.  You can offer compassion and hope to them by affirming to them that God is for them and so are you.  You can encourage them that one in five people will deal with a mental illness in their lifetime and that recovery is now the expectation instead of the exception.  And, if they are prescribed medication, (and that medication may have to be changed before the right one is found), you can assure them that Jesus uses medication to help the brain function just as he uses medication to help other parts of the body to function.

What is Jesus like?

What is Jesus like?  The Bible says: 

He is the [exact visible] image of the invisible God. (Colossians 1:15a, KJV, brackets mine)

What is God like?  The Bible says

...God is Love. (1 John 4:8b, KJV)

What is Love like?

¹If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.

²If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing.
³If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.
⁴Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
⁵Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
⁶Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
⁷Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
⁸Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. ⁹We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. ¹⁰But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.
¹¹When I was an infant at my mother’s breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.
¹²We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!
¹³But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly.  And the best of the three is love.  (1 Corinthians chapter 13, The Message)

This is what Love is like.  This is what God is like.  And this is what Jesus is like.  He never gives up on us, He's always looking for the best in us, He doesn't keep a sin scorecard (our sins are wiped away when we trust Him that He paid the penalty for them), He doesn't think He's better than us, He's not stuck up, He doesn't force Himself on us,  He doesn't have to be first, He cares more about us than His own life.

This is one amazing Love...
This is one amazing God...
This is one amazing Jesus.

He's not what you may think

There are many definitions of the "Glory of God".  To me the greatest attribute of God's glory is his humility. God chose to humble Himself and love me when I was arrogant, boastful, insulting and rude; to others and especially to Him.  If God had not endured my disrespect, I would probably be in hell by now.  And rightfully so.  

My greatest weakness may be "Pride."  I wrote evangelistic advertisements for a newspaper.  The ads ran every Saturday.  I did this for two years until my pride was such that I couldn't hear from God any more.  I didn't write again for 8 years.  I knew I was getting proud.  I didn't want to get proud.  I thought I confessed my pride to God.  But I was proud.

Pride is the opposite of love.  Love gets its joy from helping others.  Pride thinks only about itself.  I still need to die to myself.  Every day.

On the other hand, God's humility is amazing.  His depths of self-denial are so great that if I loved like He does I would feel embarrassed.  Like the father of the prodigal son, God undignifies Himself and runs after us to love us.  Where I would feel humiliated to love someone who treated me like I treated God, His strength-of-self knows no such weakness.  He voluntarily throws aside the respect due Him, in order to meet my need.  And He has.  And He truly has my Respect.

How about you?  Did you think God was stuffy, formal and pretentious?  Did you think you were too low for Him to come down to meet you where you are?  He's already there.  And He is waiting for you to ask Him into your life.  And He wants to give you His love.

God is faithful in small things, and will be faithful in large things

I was told by a mentor that seeing as much answered prayer as I do is a gift.  I hope this is not true.  I don't see nearly as much of what God is doing as I would like.  And I hope everyone sees as much or more of what God is doing than I do.

"Thank you Jesus"

If you are like me you have blamed God when things go "wrong".  "God, how could you let this happen?"  If God gets the blame when things go wrong, shouldn't He get the credit when things go right?  And if He should, do I thank Him? for everything?  Did my alarm clock get me out of bed for work?  Thank you Jesus.  Was there air in my car tires to take me to work?  Thank you Jesus.  Did my car start?  Thank you Jesus.  Did the traffic lights work?  Thank you Jesus.  I could spend all day thanking Jesus in my head for all the things that He makes go "right" for me.

If I think these examples are trivial then what would I do if Jesus didn't make these things go "right" for me?  I overslept, had a flat tire, my car wouldn't start and after I had changed the tire, jump started the engine I found myself in a traffic jam because the traffic lights were out.  If it is not trivial when it goes wrong, it is not trivial when Jesus makes it go right.  I'm going to thank Him.

"Fired"

I told my employer that I would not work with pornography, occult, or abortion ads.  They threatened to fire me.  My Bible-study group prayed for my wife and me and I prayed God would tell me what to say.  God didn't give me the exact words to say, instead He made my thinking very clear, He made the path of love very obvious.  I would be hurting others by doing these ads.  I was responsible for my actions.  There is a chain of actions that takes pornography from producer to user and I would not be part of that chain.  God gave me the chance to tell top level management about Jesus.  And in the end, I didn't get fired.  In fact, five years later they asked me to write an evangelism series of ads for them.

"Finding the Lost... Toys"

When we first adopted our two sons (they were 6 and 2 years old) they had lost a toy.  I suggested to them that we pray and ask Jesus to help us find it.  We prayed, "Jesus would you help us find this toy".    I simply told my two sons that Jesus would help them find the toy and that He might not bring the toy to them so they needed to start looking.  And then I had to resist the urge to "help God find the toy."  This was nerve-wracking for me.  Did I really trust God to come through?  What if we didn't find the toy? What would that communicate to my sons? to me?  I was relieved when they found the toy.  I decided that every time we lost something we would ask God to help us find it as a faith building exercise for my two sons, and me.  Sixteen years later we now depend on God to answer our prayer to help us find things that are lost and for everything that concerns us.  And I realize God doesn't need my "help" finding things, I need His.  We have found all but a handful of the things we have lost.  And some of those things may have been thrown away by mistake.

"Mator and the big public test"

Jeremy and John were swimming in a lake with their toys, one of which was a truck called "Mator" from the Disney film Cars.  They lost it in the murky water thirty-five feet from shore.  They yelled to me, "Dad, we lost Mator, we've been looking for it and we can't find it anywhere... should we pray?"  Now this was a test for me.  I have never found anything I have lost in any lake if I couldn't see it. And, dozens of strangers were standing around us waiting for my response.  I yelled back,  "Dear Jesus, please help them find it."  Jeremy took one step and his foot stepped on top of Mator.  My boys were ecstatic.  But not as much as me.  My trust in Jesus soared.  I laid my public reputation and my life's purpose on the line that Jesus could do something I could never do, and He came through.

"Faith Games"

I expanded this idea for my youngest.  He spent a lot of time playing video games then and I said to him, "You know how we pray to Jesus and He helps us find things?"  He said, "Yeah."  I said, "He can help you play video games too.  Just ask Him."  Jesus has turned playing video games into a faith classroom for my youngest son.

"NOT hearing from God"

Interest rates were at record breaking lows for mortgages and the time seemed right to move.  I decided I wouldn't do anything until I heard from God.  My wife wanted to move, people were telling us now was the time, but I wanted to make sure not to run ahead of God.  I waited and prayed for God to let me know it was His will to move.  I waited months and heard nothing from God.  I told God that time may be running out.  Finally, my wife said, "Jim, you're waiting for God to tell you it's time to move, how will He do that?"  I said I was waiting for an impression, something similar to how God has communicated to me in the past.  She said, "Maybe God is speaking through our circumstances?"  Though our elementary school special ed experience had been excellent our sons needed a school system with stronger middle and high school special ed programs.  I realized I had had tunnel vision, expecting God to work in only the ways I had experienced before.  We moved and our boys have had a great special ed experience.  My wife is my best counselor and Jesus uses her daily to help me.

"Looking for a House... and the Bathroom Door"

In our old house I could lay on my bed with my head at the foot of the bed and look through the bedroom door, across the hall, through the bathroom door and make sure my youngest son was okay taking a bath.  I asked God, "How am I going to be able to watch him like this in our next house?"  He had me stand next to my bed, lay down and look at the wall.  He said I would be able to monitor John by laying on my bed just like that.

I didn't believe Him.

After we had bought our new house I realized that the extra door to connect the master bedroom to the main bath  was exactly where God said it would be for me to be able to see into the bathroom and monitor John in the tub.

"Jeremy Tithes"

I told my oldest son about the benefits God claims for those who give Him back the extra 10% he gives us.  My son gave 10% to our local church of the money he had earned and we watched what God would do.  Within a few days a co-worker had run out of people to give free movie tickets to so she offered them to me and my family.  God had taken Jeremy's $7 and given Jeremy $40 in tickets.  Now here's the disclaimer:  God is not Santa Claus, a vending machine or the stock market.  If you give to get rich you will be very disappointed.  God's goal is that we learn to love and depend on Him, not manipulate Him so we can love money more.

"Two of my Mentors say I Over-Spiritualize"

When I first was saved by Jesus my mentor said that I over-spiritualized.  I saw everything in the context of Jesus.  More recently one mentor said, "God doesn't care what color socks you wear."  I believe that if it matters to me, it matters to God, and that if it matters to God, it should matter to me.  And I believe no circumstances are by chance, everything that happens has been planned by God.  And I believe there is no part of life that you can say, "This doesn't have anything to do with God."  There is no such thing as "secular."

What do you want?

What a man wants is unfailing love, better to be poor than a liar.  (Proverbs 19:22 NIV84)

God created us to want unconditional love, to want Him.  It is better to be poor in spirit (know you need God) than to lie (and say in your heart you don't need God).  Satan appeals to our desire to meet our own needs, be our own "god", to be our own source.  Satan hates God, hates that He is love, and hates those who accept Him and His love... and return His love.  He hates God because God's goodness exposes satan's evil selfish corruption.  People worship (value) God because God demonstrates His humility and self-sacrificing care for them every day.  God puts our needs ahead of His own.  He is not only the Great King He is the Lowest (Head) Servant.

But Jesus called them to Himself and said to them, “You know that those who are considered rulers over the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you shall be your servant. And whoever of you desires to be first shall be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many” (Mark 10:42-45, NKJV).

 Satan tells people to blame God for all the evil in the world.  Satan tells people that God is uninterested in them, in their struggles, hurts, cares or dreams.  Satan tells people that God is a nitpicking tyrant just waiting to pounce on them for doing the littlest thing wrong.

These are actually the qualities of satan and the opposite of the qualities of God.

God demonstrated who He really is when He walked on earth with us, in the person of Jesus Christ.  Read the truth about God in the Bible.  Read the Gospels, literally the "Good News": Matthew, Mark, Luke and John at the beginning of the New Testament of the Bible.  Jesus healed the sick, raised the dead, and proclaimed the coming of His kingdom where His kind of loving service would rule; instead of this world's current selfishness.

Do you want a God who is a loving leader; who values you and even your smallest dreams; who has served your greatest need already by paying the cost of your sin so you could spend forever with Him, so He could love you, and you could freely love Him back?  If so, ask Jesus to come into your heart, to be your Servant and your Leader.  Spend time talking to Him and listening to Him through prayer and reading the Bible.  Ask Him to fill you with His Holy Spirit.  Find a church that believes and preaches the Bible.  And tell others what a great thing God has done for you.

Why Give?

The rich rule over the poor,

and the borrower is servant

to the lender.

Proverbs 22:07 NIV84

Listen, my beloved brethren: Has God not chosen the poor of this world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom which He promised to those who love Him?  But you have dishonored the poor man. Do not the rich oppress you and drag you into the courts?  Do they not blaspheme that noble name by which you are called?

If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you do well; but if you show partiality, you commit sin, and are convicted by the law as transgressors. James 2:5-9 NKJV

Darwin suggested that the "strong" were to win out over the "weak"; the survival of the "fittest," and the extinction of the rest.  But what if the rich are allowed their riches by God in order to give the rich the opportunity to bless the poor?  Not forced redistribution of wealth that the socialist advocates, but a freewill chance to love like Jesus loves.  The rich could provide resources and knowledge to those who lack them.

What if the poor has something to offer the rich?  "Has God not chosen the poor of this world to be rich in faith...?"  The poor could help the rich see past this material world, which operates on the principle of selfish gain; to see another world: A world which operates on the principle of loving service, powered by God's love flowing through each of us to the other.  This world's system operates on the basis of "what's in it for me?"  Jesus' system operates on the basis of: "God, what can you give others through me?"  It is a battle of the "get" (or "greed") versus the "give" (or "love") systems of thinking.

Complementariness, or each providing what the other lacks, is a theme that runs through God's creation.  Unequal distribution of wealth (and faith) is no accident.  God made us each of equal value to Him, but unequal in our various abilities.  This is so we come to realize that we need each other.  This is so we can truly bless each other by giving some of what we have more than enough of (resources or faith), and giving it to the other, to meet each other's needs.

And when God gives to you and me, and we each give to each other, the joy you and I and God share with each other, will tell a dying world where to find God.